Reflections On The Number 8, Life Through The Decades, and Beginning Again
From The Desk of Albie Knows… Vol. 2
Fun Fact: The number 8 is one of my favorite numbers — not a lucky number, just a favorite number, and for no reason in particular. I can’t even tell you exactly when it started; I just know I’ve always been fascinated by its shape — the infinity symbol. One day I decided to look up the significance of the number 8. In numerology, the number 8 is associated with success, abundance, and achievement; and across different cultures, it’s also representative of balance, introspection, intuition, prosperity, and new beginnings. After reading all of this, it tracks that I would feel a connection to this number, especially now in this season of life when it feels like I’m entering a sort of renaissance season.
We’re Talking About…
In Case You Missed It…
Starting Over...
If you’re reading this, first & foremost, thank you for popping into (or stumbling onto) my Substack. If you’re new to me & my things, do a quick read about me here then come back & we can keep going.
Let’s Talk New Beginnings
These past few months — this past year — has been hard… and not just for me personally… I’m talking just in general. The news cycle is exhausting. Everything is expensive. And we just barely closed out the first quarter. Don’t worry… this isn’t all gloom & doom because, thankfully, the year has also had its bright spots in the midst of the madness…
I officially have a one year old & tbh, I’m still grappling with that. Every time I look at my girls, I am shocked — and deeply grateful — that God let me be their mama. ME?! Nearly a decade later, I brought another life into this world & some days it just feels unreal. This postpartum year has been an emotional, physical, and mental journey — unlearning, rediscovering, and trusting in ways that have challenged & changed me. As challenging as this transition has been, becoming a family of four has been an immense blessing & I do not take any of this for granted.
I also recently entered the final year of my 30s, and I am looking ahead to 40 with clarity & anticipation. A couple of years ago I decided I wasn’t gonna put any pressure on myself in my 30s or about getting older because life doesn’t really begin until my 40s. You ever notice that when people talk about a “mid life crisis” it’s usually around 40? I read a post recently that said, “most ‘midlife crises’ are actually just people finally getting honest about what they actually want versus what they were told to want”. Now to be clear…
This is NOT a Mid Life Crisis
I would NOT classify what I’m experiencing as a “mid life crisis”… okay maybe a lil bit. All in all it feels more like mid life introspection or mid life reflections. Crisis would imply I’m in a state of fear or panic or confusion. I feel a lot of things… yet none are fear, panic, or confusion. While I don’t quite have it all figured out, I do know I am not in crisis.
Most ‘midlife crises’ are actually just people finally getting honest about what they actually want versus what they were told to want.
— Unknown
Walk with me…
The first 2 decades of our lives are spent listening to & being directed by parents, teachers, caretakers, and other adults charged with our care & instruction.
When we’re in our 20s, we’re in college, working, or both. For many (most) of us, this is our first time dipping our toe out into the world and mistakes are being made… while also still being “guided” by parents, professors, bosses, and other adults who don’t really trust us or whatever.
When we hit our 30s, we’re the adult in the room. Yikes! We’re starting careers, getting married, having kids, buying homes, traveling the world, etc. And guess what… most of us still don’t know what we’re doing because we’ve never had to before now. The training wheels are off & we’re making decisions entirely mostly on our own which means there’s a 50/50 chance we’re making a whole lot more mistakes than when we were in our 20s. The upside? We’re experiencing so much more & we’re learning from our mistakes, and those are the lessons that we carry into our 40s.
This isn’t to say when the clock strikes midnight on our 40th birthday we suddenly have it all figured out. I’m pretty sure I won’t because life just doesn’t work that way. Not to mention that this is all based on a “conventional” upbringing. Broadly speaking though, this is what many of us experience; so by the time we turn 40, we do feel like we’re finally starting to live our lives on our terms… or at least like we’re really getting into our stride.
I’d be remiss if I also didn’t bring up the fact that this is something I’ve noticed a lot more with women than with men… but that may need to be another conversation for another day.
Currently On The Blog…
Many of my older friends, by their 40th birthdays, have all described a similar sort of clarity from having experienced, at that point, more adulthood than childhood. Personally, I’m looking forward to that is I’m treating this final year in my 30s as a chance to make space for whatever 40 will hold.
A few months ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and it was an eye opening “eureka!” moment — like finally getting an answer to a question I didn’t even know to ask. Along with a diagnosis, I received grace — an understanding that my challenges during this past year weren’t “just hormones”, or because I couldn’t handle mothering a newborn again, or any of the other negative self talk I had during the hard days. The diagnosis gave me context for some of my challenges, which also gave me some clarity. With clarity comes grace, so I’m also choosing to live the final year of my 30s full of grace, shedding the old & making way for the new because how can I receive if my hands are already full?
I am currently in the process of deciding whether or not to go on medication for my ADHD, anxiety, or both, especially since over the years, my therapists & I have always focused on “skills over pills”. Because of the way things have changed in & around my life recently though, I realized that maybe I don’t actually have all the skills — not yet at least — and that’s okay. I’m reminded of a journal entry I wrote 2 years ago as “homework” from my therapist at the time…
Helpless Doesn’t Mean Weak
Why does the idea of being helpless seem so terrifying? Because I learned that independence & self reliance is more valued than dependence. Because I learned vulnerability is weakness. What if I leaned into this season of being helpless — allowing others to help me where I can’t help myself, and seeing my vulnerability as a chance to be soft… to be taken care of?
God thank you for choosing me for this assignment. Instead of seeing my discomfort as selfish and my helplessness as a negative, I can learn how to let others in… how to accept help… how to rest.
I’m currently in another season of helplessness, however, I’m also in a season of introspection & new beginnings. I’m tapping into my intuition, letting go of what no longer serves me, learning to be vulnerable, making room for prosperity, accepting that balance ≠ perfection, and giving myself grace through all of it.
8 Imperfect New Beginnings I’m Prioritizing
Self Growth: letting go of who I was & loving who I am becoming
Faith: establishing a deeper spiritual connection
Physical Health: incorporating movement in my routine
Mental Health: reframing negative self-talk & learning healthy coping tools
Marriage: practicing clear communication & long temperedness
Motherhood: parenting with grace & imperfection
Finances: engaging in transparent (and uncomfortable) conversations
Career: embracing the unknown & leaning into rest
As I make these my priorities, I return to the tenets of the number 8 as my guides — balance, introspection, intuition, and prosperity. The goal, however, isn’t to be perfect in these areas of my life. Instead, I’m compartmentalizing & rethinking the way I navigate them. This’ll serve as a sort of road map for the moves I make, instead of blindly striving to perfectly tackle all the things all at once.
These areas of my life are, in their own way, each already going through a sort of reset — my body feels very unfamiliar especially after having a baby, my anxiety has been crippling on some days, I’m a mother of 2 after nearly a decade of being a mother of 1, we were on the brink of filing for chapter 13 bankruptcy, and I’ve been unemployed for over a year. There’s no way I could “fix” it all without breaking myself into pieces, so instead, I’ve chosen bite sized ways to guide my focus & help me make actual progress. It’s not about being a specific size, having a certain amount of money, having a picture perfect family, or landing my “dream” job. It’s about identifying challenges within my control and making room for joy as I make progress along the way.
If you’ve read this far, I hope you’ll you hit the heart at the bottom of this post or your email. It’ll only take you a second & it’ll make a huge difference to me 💛
Final Reflections
Substack has become a bit of a soft landing, so thank you x 1,000,000,000 for being part of the experience. For the first time in a long time, I feel like instead of running away from the unknown, I’m asking it to join me on the dance floor. I’m okay with stepping into my next chapter because while things may be crazy & imperfect, I feel clear. Imperfect ≠ bad, and it shouldn’t be scary. TBH… I’m pretty sure that the beauty of what’s to come lies amongst the imperfections.
Coming To The Blog
Even though I haven’t been writing for most of this past year, it doesn’t mean I haven’t been ideating. Here are a few new posts I’ve been working that’ll be coming to the blog soon…
Supporting Black Brands In Big Box Retailers
Meghan Markle Made Me Buy It… Or Wanna Buy It
Things I'm Doing Now That I'm One Year Postpartum
Spring Has Sprung: How To Fill Your Cup This Spring
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